Is it not a perfect day to wake up? Gloomy, rainy, oblivious to the troubles of mankind. As you stare out of the window, in the street, people can be seen running off to take shelter, while a postman continues with his job un-perturbed. Is it his requirement or his dedication that makes him continue with the work while the world seems to be lost in a senseless construct, I wonder?
I look around to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It reveals dark eyes, bent shoulders, and a ghosted zombified figure, walking, but without a purpose. Was I always like this, I wonder again, while staring at my pot-belly, this is not how I remembered seeing myself before?
*Tringgg* a cyclist passing by distracts me. It is raining cats and dogs in a desert, and yet I see these smiling faces rushing towards their destination. Whether it was the postman or the cyclist, their sense of priority amazed me.
I looked back at my reflection. It felt like a dead soul staring back at me, asking me- “Where did that confidence go? The zeal to stand in front of anyone and not be affected by one’s presence. The bravery, where empty barriers had no effect. The eyes that once had a vision, and now seemingly lost.” I stumble at the doorstep for an answer.
What happened to me?
Did I lose someone important?
Or did I fail to achieve what I set out for myself?
No! This is not my story alone. This is the story of millions of people out there. People who have lost someone or something this pandemic. People that have parted ways, some for the good some not for the better. However there lies in the conscience a treachery, an iota of thought, hoping for an “what if” and “if only”, but only if the universe worked the way we wanted it to. For it may push us to the bottomless depths, to the souls of despair, holding onto the only light which brings you to yourself.
Invariably, when you let go of people- ones who want away or ones you are painfully seeking approval/ love from, you return to yourself. You return to what feels truer to you and what brings you happiness. You are reminded that life does not always have to feel like you are not enough, that what you want for yourself and your future goes beyond people’s regard for you.
It is all about life after the fall, picking up the pieces, and rising up. Climbing up the ladder and becoming one with yourself. It is about embracing your awkward self, for there is nothing wrong with it. Whenever possible, spend time with people you like or love. If not be, spend some time with yourself. Do not follow every path that you are presented with, forge your own. Life is real, not a representation of social media where not everything portrayed is true. If possible, discharge yourself from what is hurting you and approach people for real.
The least you can do is to challenge your negative thoughts. Take control of your inhibitions and reflect on the good. Take those baby steps- one step a time.
Focus on things that bring joy. Maybe hit the gym or hit the books, hopefully not hit someone in the gym with a book.
But heal your emotional self right away. Afterall, what’s lying between you and the ladder of success is the zeal to build yourself up from scratch, again!