The Diary of a Loner Continued

Five years back I wrote a piece of heart, from my diary of a loner. Therein, I tried explaining “who is a loner?” Specifically, a loner is a person who happens to be alone and doesn’t associate with other people. It interestingly gathered some attention in the world of blogging. I realised that people assumed the idea of a loner with the idea of someone that believed in being alone out of sadness or depression, and not out of nature. This is reflected in the comments of fellow readers who could not disassociate their period of loneliness from the nature of being alone. It perplexed me, that in the world of social media, how the idea of living alone has emerged as a go-to thing. People assume it to be a cool trait to have, and on the other hand, people who are going through a phase in life and have found themselves alone due to circumstances start believing themselves to be loners by nature. This very trend and belief are superficial and untrue.

The very fact that introversion and loneliness are trending is worrisome. One cannot be a loner and an introvert one day and believe in extroversion the next. Yes, one may socialise and then seek their private space, however that doesn’t make you a loner, let alone an introvert.

Let me share an intricate example, hopefully, to make us think. I was sitting in a nice, pleasant cafe, called the Grammar Room in Mehrauli, Delhi. While ordering a cup of coffee, I had the pleasure of interacting with the staff and the manager, which reflects on the politeness and support, whereas, the loner in me believed it to be ideal to enjoy my coffee in silence and alone. This is primarily to charge me for the coming week of professional social interaction. But, would an extrovert do that? True extroverts would find it awkward to spend time in their own company or would find ways to seek the company of people around them.

Please, do not get me wrong, it is good to socialise, and it is also great to spend time in your private sphere, however, this is where human nature kicks in. One, by nature, prefers being within themselves and that’s what a loner is good at, being alone and happy in his own capacity.

Let me share another example, a few months back someone shared their plight and decision with me. After having seen me sketch in a public place once, alone and for hours, the person could not resist and asked me the secret of enjoying my company. I was dumbfounded and confused, a secret to my own company? Is there truly such a thing? A brief interaction later the charming person came to the conclusion “I have to learn this, to enjoy my sphere, my loneliness and company”. As much as I wished to protest that, I decided to let it be, but this was not a one-off incident.

People do not realise, it is their own nature that they have to understand. You might learn to be composed and appreciative of your company, but you cannot fall for your loneliness. Being a loner is not paramount of surviving loneliness, these are two different things.

A known of mine, from my college days, effectively from a decade before reached out to me, to show a silent appreciation, that how he finally understands what I was doing travelling solo and alone at a time when people were busy charming each other. To each their own, and I did not find it awkward then and now, because we are two distinct personalities. As much as I appreciate his appreciation, I was always awed at his and others’ socialising skills.

You see, we are all different and distinct personalities living in a cluster of societies. Irrespective of our appreciation or likeness for the qualities of others, we must rather learn about ourselves and our nature and enhance them, instead of trying to become something that we never were. The social trend of introversion is only as cool as you can survive, believe me, being a loner will only cast you into further doubt unless you understand what your nature is.

As one may wrongly quote Nietzsche, beware of the monster within, if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss shall also gaze into thee.

By boringbug